+mY-StoRy+

2012-01-22T13:12:00.002+08:00

"人若无远虑，必有近忧。 "

So true.

2012-01-17T15:39:00.001+08:00

忘记失去的，珍惜拥有的。

2012-01-11T21:06:00.003+08:00

A friend told me that she told her mum she will not bring her boyfriend to meet her grandparents during Chinese New Year. Her mum asked why and she said she may not want to marry her boyfriend.

When she told me this, I was quite shock because I know that she really love her boyfriend a lot and they dated for years already. I asked why she wouldn't marry him.

She said because of his character. Apparently his temper is not very good and will vent it on her when he is in a bad mood. He seems to care about himself first.

***
Not many people can love others more than they love themselves. Correct me if I am wrong. I just feel that there are many selfish people. Or I met many selfish people (including myself).

I understand the feeling of loving myself more than others because I am like that too. This is unfortunately one of the big problems in relationship.

We, being the selfish kings and queens always demand others to give in to us, to dote us and to put us in the first place. But honestly speaking, isn't that too selfish when we couldn't do the same and yet we expect for it?

I can understand why my friend would feel that way, because when she talked to me about it last time, I already predicted that this would happen sooner or later. She realise that she will suffer when she marry who he is now. Will her love be great enough to accept his flaws or will the boyfriend love her so much that he is going to change? Or will they choose to love themselves more? It is really very hard to say who is right and who is wrong. But if the boyfriend know how to cherish her in the first place, she wouldn't have come to this dilemma.

***
My conclution is relationship is so irritating. Love is not the only important thing in relationship, character is one of the important factors that couldn't be ignored.

If there is love, but the character of that person cannot make it, I would leave him.

If both exist, I will marry him.

2012-01-02T23:39:00.003+08:00

Heard that Japan suffered another earthquake on the first day of 2012.

And now another part of thailand got flood again.

The economy this year is going to decline.

***
You must be wondering why I start to care about all these things. I just feel that I shouldn't live in my own world anymore. I should start to show more care and concern to my surroundings.

I don't want to be a selfish person that only cares about myself anymore.

Widen your heart and learn to love not only those who treats you well, but also those who once hurt you.

***
Dear God, please give me more time.

2011-12-31T23:27:00.005+08:00

A new year will arrive in a few minutes.

Time really don't wait for anyone, once you missed it, you will lose it forever.

Below shall be my new year resolution!~

1. Don't do things that make myself regret

2. A good change in myself

3. Get along well with my family

4. Spread the love

5. Be happy!

6. Be healthy!

7. Pass all my exams!

Ok. This shall be it. I shall not be too greedy.

***

Since it will be a new start, I changed my blog playlist. It could be found right at the bottom, you just got to scroll all the way down and you will find it.

My music playlist consist some Mayday's songs that I really like and Dvorak's pieces. Dvorak is now one of my favourite composer. But it is such a pity that he doesn't have many composition like Bach and Bhrams.

I hope you will like my playlist. :)

***

Many believe that the disaster at the end of 2012 will eventually come. I don't know. But if this is really the last year, should we live our best? No more regrets, no more misunderstandings.

It's time to amend things that you didn't try to do so.

It is time to CHANGE.

And then inspire the people around you.

***

To my family.

我真的很感谢你们对我付出的爱与包容。

也很对不起，我是个 trouble maker.

***

To my friends.

Thank you for being there for me, always cheering me on.

All of you make a difference in my life.

I'm glad that we can be friends.

***

To him.

Although I don't love you in that way anymore, you're always a special person to me. You're the first person that inspire me to change myself, to be better. How could I ever forget you? Somethings don't need to be written out directly, you know it is you right?

If you are wondering if this is for you, then don't need to wonder, coz it is for you.

I hereby sincerely wish the best for you.

Whatever you do, wherever you go, please remember to be happy.

I'm certain that if you learn to open up yourself, you will set yourself free.

Everything have a solution, you need to go and search for it.

***

And then to my readers! (I know there's only very little of you)

Thank you for reading my blog.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!! :)

2011-12-26T23:51:00.003+08:00

Certain things are just not within our control, so I learn to let go and let it be.

But those things that we could hold on to, we often let it go.

So irony.

***

Sometimes we just don't know what we truely want.

Or we are not honest enough with ourselves?

2011-12-18T22:54:00.003+08:00

The war between me and my mum seems to stop even before my exams. Earlier than what I expected. It is a good thing.

I prayed to God that I really want to get along well with my family, try to clear up misunderstandings (at least bother to explain instead of keeping quiet) and try to be more honest and open to my family (although is quite hard because my parents are quite traditional and abit inflexible, they may not accept certain things).

I need to have more self control, to control my 大小姐脾气。

At least try to do it, put in some effort and don't give up so easily.

No matter what, I still love my family.

我比他们想象中还爱他们，只是他们不知道。

*~*

Having a war with someone is very exhausting. Instead of holding on, why not try to let it go? Sometimes what we hold on to may not lead to a good outcome.

So I questioned myself whether it is worth it to rebel against my parents at their certain way of doing things? I may be right, but yet I created tension between us and all parties felt unhappy.

So, what is the best solution?

2011-12-08T11:26:00.002+08:00

My character is too strong sometimes. I really try to tone down and try to be gentle.

I realise it is NOT easy to be gentle.

Hahahaha. Really!!!!

2011-12-07T15:07:00.004+08:00

Very sad that I didn't do very well for my first paper. I tried my best. I didn't expect it to have so many theory questions. Dear God, pls let me pass the paper. As long as I pass and no need to retake it, I would be very happy already.

At least I know what mistakes I made in that paper, better than not knowing why I didn't do well.

My curiousity apply to many other things too. I mean, it is always important to find out why you fail so that you don't make the same mistakes again right?

I don't want to be someone who avoids thinking, running away from it, and never know what went wrong. This leads to a cycle of failure. I'll face it again and again until I change, isn't that so?

***

2011-11-20T14:30:00.003+08:00

Yes music is indeed the antidote towards my stress for exams.

Yesterday went for PA ochestra practice and cello section was scolded by the conductor because we kept getting the rythm wrongly. The cello section only consist of me and another army guy, both of us haven't been playing cello for quite some time. And yesterday was the first time we played that particular song with some cello solo.

I think I'm too dependent on music. I should learn to count the rhythm instead of depending on listening to others. Haha. I always listen to others play and follow. That's lazy I would say and no confident.

I guess I need this kind of motivation sometimes. Not a bad thing though.

***

I really admire your courage to pursue music.

It is something I can't do it now.

But I promised myself I would have proper lesson and take grades for piano and cello when I'm able to provide for myself.

Because I know I'll not get the support from my parents, so I'll have to do it on my own.

2011-11-19T12:34:00.002+08:00

Begining to feel the stress for my coming exam.

Will music be a good antidote to my stress?

***

It doesn't feel right anymore. It is becoming more and more uncomfortable.

Let me disappear for a while.

2011-11-17T00:43:00.002+08:00

最怕突然听到你的消息。

因为我还会有一点心痛。

但是如果有一天让我听到你的消息，我希望我可以知道你过得很幸福。

***

那么疯那么热烈的曾经，为何我们还是要奔向各自的幸福和遗憾中老去。

我后来才明白，我们都没有勇气去爱彼此。

我没有勇气去爱这样的你，因为我不能忍受一个见一个爱一个的人。

你也没有勇气去爱这样的我，因为我不是那个会乖乖听你的话的女孩。

所以最后，我们最爱的还是自己。

2011-11-14T23:26:00.003+08:00

Life is not about being 'NUMBER ONE', there is definitely more to it.

***

我告诉自己不要刻意的去追求。让一切自然的发生。

***

I'm trying to master the art of ignorance.

There are things that I really want to ignore. Things that I don't used to stand, things that is not morally right to me.

But at the same time, I'm trying to accept it.

I cannot control a person's thoughts and actions.

I should just focus on controlling mine.

2011-11-13T13:13:00.004+08:00

生病的时候吃妈妈煮的面线汤，最温暖。

***

I don't know how long since I last eaten my mum's mee sua.

She cooked for me 2 days ago when I've ulcer on my tongue.

The ulcer is so painful that I couldn't speak or eat.

The only food that taste delicious to me was the mee sua that my mum cooked specially for me.

这种感觉超幸福的。

感觉好久没有感受到这样的幸福了。

2011-11-10T23:31:00.003+08:00

I already taught you so many times, and everytime you asked the same question, I lost my patience.

I wish I could be more patient.

2011-11-10T01:30:00.002+08:00

突然间看清了许多事。

那些不想接受的，想要逃避的事，始终要学习去接受。

这样也好。早点让我看透，早点让我恍然大悟。

我可以对谁诚实的做自己？我只能对谁捧场做戏？答案心理有数了。

只是这次不要排除那些我只能捧场做戏的人。

懂得仔细的分析对于错，是件好事，但是往往会让我变得很没有度量。

要有一点包容，要酷一点。

不能因为他们没有真心对待我，我就不真心对待他们。这样是自私的想法。

我学会了有时候捧场做戏并不代表你虚伪，而是因为你不想让别人没有面子，你还是希望有一天事情会有改进的空间。

所以要有礼貌的去配合，至少这样心理也不会愧疚，而别人也可以好过一点。

捧场做戏是一种对别人的礼貌。

***

2011-11-06T13:02:00.002+08:00

我一直在想那些我坚持的事，都值得坚持吗？

***

The war between my mum and me has began. Not that I want it. But since she indirectly delcared it, then there is no reason to not fight for my own point of views. I really tried to compromise. If she want me to accomodate, sorry I couldn't do it. I'm not that kind of girl who will obey all your rules and live like your pet. Don't break my wings when I'm learning to fly.

But I really don't want to give in because I know once I give in, she will think that she is right and the probelm will still not be solved. It is not that I think I'm right, I do make mistakes too. But the problem will not be solved if I am the only one realising my mistakes. It will only be solved if she realised it too. I believe it would really end our misery.

I don't feel good too and at times I really questioned myself whether it is worth the fight, but I really couldn't take it anymore. I really couldn't live like that, I realise we are not happy at all, not only me but she too. So what's the point if both of us are not happy? What's the point of being together when we feel happier to have distance with each other? I've always been keeping a distance away, because i know if I don't do so, I would get hurt very badly and the reason for the distance is her. For so many years, it is still the same. Nothing has changed. Whenever I want to step abit closer, I would regret it the next moment.

I just want her to realise it. Is it wrong to do so?

***

一切开始变了。我知道我需要更勇敢，对自己要有多一点信心。这一次绝对不可以轻易的妥协。

2011-11-04T22:01:00.006+08:00

It is not the action that hurts most, it is the intention behind the action.

***
Yesterday I talked to me primary school best friend. We felt happy to chat again. I think she changed and what she told me was quite inspiring. We recalled about our old school days and it was so funny to think about the things we quarrelled about. Hahah she used to scold me for being straightforward and too honest, yet she liked it at the same time coz she know, I will tell her the truth and only the truth.

Lastly, what left a great impression was that she told me "sometimes we have to let go of our pride to in order hold on to the person we care about the most." I think it is so true, but no many can do it.

Can you? Can I?

2011-11-01T00:07:00.002+08:00

Loneliness is the side effect of being free for too long.

My friends kept nagging me to go get a boyfriend.

Partially because they've been hearing stories about the same person (whom I would never end up with or allow myself to be) for years.

One of them even want to match make me with her boyfriend's army friend who happens to be a vegetarian too, who happen to see a picture of me and my friend and who happen to say that I'm pretty (I think his eye got problem), and who happen to be able to accept that I'm quiet, stubborn and abit blur at times.

At first, I really wasn't quite interested.

Until... I told myself that I maybe I could make an effort to create a change in my life. I need to meet someone who doesn't behave like a jerk, who reminds me nothing of you, who motivates me, who is faithful, who would just pull me away and make me run with him leading me to the right direction. Why do I make this person sounds like God? HAHA. I hope he is an angel that could save my soul and maybe I could do the same for him.

But what if after having what I got, I want back my freedom? Afterall, I still love freedom very much and I'm not the kind of girl who will obey your all your rules, do everything you want me to do.

Could he be able to change me?

I very curious if such a person exist in this world.

***

A good guy once told me that what I need is someone who could understand me.

I didn't quite understand back then, until now.

I think he is right.

Being in love, is also about being yourself. This kind of love could last forever, isn't it?

2011-10-28T00:24:00.004+08:00

The time has come.

I need a change in order to solve many things.

And I feel that God is trying to tell me this is another turning point for me.

Whether I will succeed or not, it depends on me.

Change is necessary and is essential now.

I'm glad that it happen to me again.

***

I've finally fixed all the puzzles together and got the clear answer I always wanted to know. Though I would really appreciate if you would be more straightforward back then. You should've been more honest to yourself and to me. You really don't need to be too nice to me. You really shouldn't.

Why couldn't you do it back then when you are doing it now?

But it doesn't matter now. All I know is I still wish you happiness. I really don't hate you.

Now I can finally move on without looking back, without having doubts about the past and the present and without feeling afraid that I would miss out a chance to find out whether I still mean something to you.

I have to go. But if you ever need me as a friend, I'm still willing to lend a helping hand.

I've never truely love a person, until I met you. Thanks for teaching me what love is. You made me realised what I need and what I want.

2011-10-25T00:11:00.005+08:00

I've been reading my older posts, hoping to get back some things that I've lost. So today, the first thing I've got back is my attitude towards music. I don't why I actually hope that one day my music could be spread among people but now it doesn't really matter that whether my music become famous one day. I just want the people who listened to it feel warm, touched, inspired and happy. It doesn't matter that most of the people I met doesn't accept it since I'm not musically trained right at the start and I didn't take grades. All it matters is that I really enjoy composing and there are people who genuinely feel touched by listening to it, there is one friend who is good at singing wanting to sing my song, another friend who played the piano very well wanted to play my melody. It is really good enough. I should stop expecting more.

I can't bring myself to stop composing, coz life without music is no life to me. To me, music is everywhere around me, even inside my heart, there are many melody.

So I wanna get back the right attitude towards music. Do it because you love it and don't feel hurt when some people look at you that way. It is ok.

Maybe after experiencing this, I could come out with better music and brings more inspiration and motivation to friends.

***

As time goes by I realise who are the friends that will stick with me no matter what and I can count on them because they are always there.

It is time I spend more time with those darlings who treat me genuinely and will never reject me even though they are in a bad mood or busy. And I'll always be here, ready for them to lean on me anytime. :) Lastly, I wanna say a big thank you to them (Xiao mao and ah ping).

2011-10-23T22:16:00.001+08:00

人生最大的遗憾莫过于错误的坚持和轻易的放弃。

2011-10-23T00:32:00.002+08:00

In the end, I wrote what I feel on a piece of paper, hoping that you would understand all those words that I never managed to say.

Surprisingly, you choose to give in once for me. I know very well that it would be painful to hear those words from me, but you actually made an effort to try to understand me and it touched my heart. And I wanna say thank you, but it is too mushy for me to say.

Since you've tried to give in, I'll also learn to compromise with you.

I believe gradually, we will be able to get along well. That's what I've always been hoping for.

2011-10-20T00:24:00.002+08:00

時間倒轉

作詞：廷廷 (Magic Power)
作曲：廷廷 (Magic Power)
編曲：Magic Power

如果時間倒轉我想要收回那些傷人的話

叛逆的行為以為這樣就是長大

然後說聲sorry對我親愛的爸爸媽媽

你們的愛是我這輩子最珍惜的收藏

如果時間倒轉我會記得我們的紀念日

我會緊緊抓住和你在一起的每個日子

改掉壞脾氣還有相處的方式

我愛你這三個字我會更完美的詮釋

Wu Oh~ There's only one way Wu Oh Yeah

這條路你無法回頭你只能往前走

Wu Oh~ There's only one wayWu Oh Yeah

反省了過去從今天起別讓遺憾再重來過轉載來自

時間倒轉是個不可能的夢想時光機不存在

至少在你我的年代看著未來

記住手中握的蔚藍別再為過去傷感

Remember~ Life goes on

如果時間倒轉多希望努力能夠重來一遍

多希望跟夢想的距離能夠再拉近一些

這些希望不會只在夢裡回味

我不會再讓那些失望一次又一次的上演

如果時間倒轉那些壞習慣

那些無賴那些對不到點的生活節拍我會不再依賴

我會通通甩開

It's brand new me and a brand new life

時間它不會倒轉你就要把握現在

2011-10-17T22:24:00.002+08:00

就在我想下定决心的几个小时后，第一个考题就出现了。

现在我的心好像被大刀狠狠的割过。好痛。哭时，只能在没有人的地方才能哭。

上帝给我最大的考题就是如何与家人好好相处。

家家有本难念的经。我的也是。

有人说最坏的沟通方式是一句话都不说，掉头就走。

也许是因为什么都不说你就不知道对方心里在想什么，他要的是什么。

但是会导致这样的沟通方式是往往我们都不愿去接受对方的想法和看法，所以他们选择不说因为说了也是白说。

因为说了反而会让你无法接受。说了会吵架。

到最后，只要没有把话说开，问题永远都在。

什么时候你才愿意听我的真心话？

什么时候才可以得到解脱？

要怎么去做？

不该让步的为什么要让？

为什么？

明明就很不讲理，为什么还认为你是对的？

明明别人也很痛苦，难道要在你面前哭你才懂吗？

我选择什么都不说是希望有一天你观察到我因为你很痛苦。

2011-10-17T17:34:00.003+08:00

其实我又何必去在意呢？

虽然感觉不太好，但是我的感觉并不重要。

我以前只在乎自己的感觉，而忽略了别人的感受。因为我的直率而不小心了伤害别人。

所以这次我想忽略我的感觉，而开始去在意别人的感受。

我知道没这么简单，但我不想轻易放弃。

祝我好运吧！ ^^

2011-10-16T23:06:00.001+08:00

我始终相信。:)

2011-10-13T22:17:00.001+08:00

It is time to end this and begin a new life without you.

2011-10-06T16:18:00.002+08:00

Someone asked me will I regret if I didn't take the risk. So I questioned myself.

For so many years, there were people came by but inside my heart there is you.

Am I really feeling the same way now? Do I have the courage to start it again?

My answer is if right from the beginning we didn't turn out that way, maybe I would just let you know how I feel.

But no. Things were already screwed right at the beginning. And there is minimum trust. And I have built a wall specially because of you. I will hide behind it whenever I sense that things are not right.

So my conclusion is..let's just stay this way, until one day you tell me how you feel.

2011-10-04T00:34:00.001+08:00

Be patient. Relax.

2011-09-28T23:32:00.003+08:00

Everyone is trying so hard to live their lives and I feel their sincerity.

In fact, I am moved by their sincerity.

I want to be sincere towards my life, the people around me and my goals.

There are people who don't understand why I choose this path, but I hope one day I could touch them with the bottom of my heart.

2011-09-27T14:57:00.001+08:00

不忍心。

2011-09-22T01:23:00.002+08:00

Nice.

:)

2011-09-01T00:43:00.002+08:00

I know I'm being rebellious.

The more you try to force me, the tougher I become.

I don't want to let you reach your goal, which is to think that you can control me.

2011-08-25T00:17:00.000+08:00

It is time to fight for your own pride.

2011-08-22T23:20:00.003+08:00

After some time gathering my thoughts, my conclusion is...

The truth is I'm afraid to be too close to you because you tend to make me feel so vulnerable.

***

Those thoughts shall end here. Now back to the reality and back to my practical life.

Dalalalal~

***

2011-08-22T00:55:00.000+08:00

"From a distance, everything was perfect."

From a distance, you're perfect.

2011-08-19T11:23:00.002+08:00

我只是怕我会太依赖你。

2011-08-18T00:59:00.002+08:00

希望幸福在你身边，看你的爱情有个完美的句点。

2011-08-15T00:35:00.004+08:00

Why do we have to try so hard to please ppl and be accepted by them? It is not right to say that how good you are will depend on how others see you as a person because some people only like to point at your mistakes and ignore all your strength. They expect you to do so much and sacrifice so much in order to reach their expectation of 'Good' which is so unreasonable and they don't want to do their part. So I've come to a conclusion that you should let your conscience to judge you as it is something that is most impartial. What for make yourself so tired because of selfish people who only cares about themselves and think that they are so much better than you and you are so worthless.

***
Dear God, please grant me strength and wisdom to help me solve my problem.

2011-08-02T22:33:00.002+08:00

"You forgive because you still want to keep that person by your side."

2011-07-30T00:21:00.002+08:00

Many times, we only try to avoid the pain and try to forget. But we never really try to forgive.

Someone asked me to recall about pain, and I recalled it. But he say don't recall till so deep. Why didn't he say it earlier? Because once I began to recall about it, it just went so deep. So deep that I could feel the missing hole in my heart and so hurt that I almost couldn't breathe.

Obviously, I've been avoiding to remember, trying to forget. But I never really try to forgive.

So, step number one is to forgive.

2011-07-22T11:44:00.002+08:00

不能认输

因为我相信彩虹总跟着薄雾

会带来幸福

在下一个岔路

陪我跳全新的舞。

2011-07-18T21:19:00.002+08:00

你说真正的自由不是别人给你的，而是自己给自己的。

我已经在尝试从我的内心深处去寻找自由，可是为什么阻碍我前进的人却是你？

可是我知道如果有一天你看得见隐藏在这假面背后最真实的痛苦，你会比我更伤心。

别认为你很了解我，因为这个世界上最不了解我的人是你。

***

2011-07-08T00:27:00.001+08:00

就算全世界都不相信你，你也要相信你自己！=)

2011-07-05T23:37:00.003+08:00

You left me the biggest scar and you'll never know how much you've hurt me all these years.

2011-07-03T19:04:00.002+08:00

Tomorrow a new life will begin. Things will be different. And my dream is just a dream afterall.
But giving is not the option I will choose.

Will I be too selfish to fight for my dream and not spare a thought for my parents?
But I know what I am doing and I know that I won't let my dream ruin my future. However, they just don't believe in me. What can I do?

It's not that I don't want to discuss my plans with them. It's just that I know they won't accept my point of views so what is the point of telling them my plans? But even so, I should have respected them and discuss my decisions with them so that they won't feel that I'm so mysterious to them.

What should I do now? S.O.S!!

2011-06-29T16:29:00.001+08:00

Someone told me that maybe they don't treat me as a puppet. It's just that they feel they have the responsibility to guide me. But they adopt the harsh way to guide me and I don't like it.

2011-06-27T00:42:00.005+08:00

You've given me what I need. Who am I to blame you?

But does that mean I should live my life like how you want it to be? Am I just a puppet to you?

***

I know I can't expect to wait for things to change since I'm not going to voice it out and I don't know how to. I don't know how long I'm going to wait and waiting doesn't solve the problems that I'm facing now. Someone have to make the first move. And I know it got to be me.

I'm sick of waiting for miracle to happen. I figure out that I should create my own miracle.

We're afraid to hear the truth from each other. We are afraid to face the mistakes and admit that we are wrong. Some words are so hard to express without hurting one another. We all know, don't we? Maybe this time the truth is better to be left unsaid? Or wait for the right time to say? Who knows?

So I think I should take the first step and not wait anymore. I should try to change my attitude towards you. Better attitude, better tolerance skills, learn to forgive and forget. Maybe we could get along better.

It is so hard especially when you feel that you have the right to be angry in the first place. But who cares? My feelings will not be considered. They never care. So just give up trying to gain their attention. It never works.

Just when I lose hope and feel like giving up on anything that relates to family, I hear God's voice. I heard inspiring speeches or words that inspired me to keep holding on. I believe God must have used someone to tell me what he want to say to me. He always have a way to make me stay strong.

Nobody can hurt me as much as my family do.

I recalled all the worst times I ever had in my life and I realised that most of them were related to you.

But now, I'm going to change this. I don't want you to be the reason for my tears when you're meant to be my family.

2011-06-26T02:19:00.001+08:00

We need time to do a magic.

2011-06-24T16:13:00.002+08:00

一定要把它完成！第一次把曲子写下来。

2011-06-13T01:55:00.002+08:00

I can't breathe. You are holding me too tightly and I am trying to break through.

I don't want to do what I am told to .
I don't want to listen to you because I have my own point of views that you don't want to accept.

All that you want me to be, I just can't be.
Maybe I am not mature enough. Maybe I am too selfish. Maybe I just don't want to face you.

All of you.

Kinda sick of it. But I don't know how to express it out so that I don't hurt any of you so I decided to keep it inside till I become crazy.

2011-06-08T00:28:00.002+08:00

When everyone says that you're not going to make it, it gives you the motivation to prove them all wrong.

You can do it. Believe in yourself.

2011-06-04T00:47:00.003+08:00

就算你现在变成火星人，一切都太晚了。但我想你可能永远都不会为了谁而当火星人。因为你最爱的人始终是你自己。

我走了，再见地球人。

2011-05-29T01:19:00.003+08:00

And then tears gathered in my eyes, waiting to fall anytime.
You've already took over the place, but I took so long to realise.

2011-05-28T12:50:00.002+08:00

Dear God, please guide me and make this a success. I wanna do something for all of them.

***

It is ok. I'm ok. Everything will be ok.

2011-05-12T00:25:00.002+08:00

以朋友的身份保持联系。偶尔的关心，默默的祝福，可不可以永远都保持这种简简单单的关系？

2011-04-29T00:04:00.002+08:00

Someone told me that he believe the only thing that lasts forever is unconditional love.

I was touched by his words.

2011-04-19T23:56:00.002+08:00

Although I'm tired, I still could smile and laugh. =)

Life still goes on. Time will not stop for anyone.

We should cherish every moment, be it good or bad, because time is running out.

Stop doing things that you know you will regret.

Live a happy and carefree life. From now on.

2011-04-13T23:44:00.003+08:00

There are too many things waiting for me to discover. There are so many lessons waiting for me learn. There are so many hearts waiting for me to open. There are so many souls waiting for me to help.

2011-04-09T21:16:00.002+08:00

Ok. In the end, I decided to perform for the charity concert. =) *** It was the most funniest thing that ever happened to me. However, lesson learnt. But I felt guilty more than anything else coz there was a motive behind.

2011-04-08T15:57:00.001+08:00

I really want to do it. Should I?

2011-04-05T23:20:00.004+08:00

When you have done something wrong, saying sorry is the basic manner. But! It is so hard to say such a simple word in some circumstances! It's ok. I have used another method of apologizing. ***

2011-04-03T22:40:00.002+08:00

Look what you've done. Arhhhhhhhhhhhh! So angry with myself!

2011-03-31T15:27:00.002+08:00

后来，我遇到一个比我更爱自由，更需要自己空间的人。我想这是报应吧。因为我喜欢上他了。

2011-03-28T01:29:00.003+08:00

我累了。只想简简单单的活着。活着的意义，我没有忘记。

Broken heart

2011-03-26T01:33:00.002+08:00

I cried last night. I know sometimes we have to let go of certain things in certain part of life. But do I really have to give up playing cello? Is this concert mark the end of my cello life?

When you give up something you really love, it feels like your heart is being cut by a sharp knife. Yes, it hurts.

2011-03-18T16:44:00.001+08:00

No. I won't.

2011-03-10T23:56:00.002+08:00

The more everyone is so skeptical about your choice, the more you want to prove them wrong.

This will be a difficult path.

And this will probably be the last chance for them to believe you.

YOU CANNOT AFFORD TO FAIL.

2011-03-09T21:42:00.004+08:00

如果爱一个人可以假装，那个不是爱情。
如果连过去的回忆都要假装忘记，那个是逃避。

***

2011-03-03T22:06:00.002+08:00

Today is the last day of my poly life.

I discover another passion while studying Law and Management.

I found out that I like those business subjects, especially econs and accounting.

I'm gonna study accounting and be an auditor.

I also want to thank all the friends I made in Poly and all my teachers that taught me. Thank you for adding colours to my poly life! =)

***

2011-03-02T08:13:00.003+08:00

如果我们都能够体谅对方，事情会不会有所不同？

但是我们都做不到。我们都不想让步，因为都有自己不同的生活方式。不要再勉强我了。

我真的很累。面对你很累。可以让我静静的活着吗？

因为已经到了无法容忍的地步，但又说不出口，所以身体和情绪很自然的在反抗。

后来我才发现，身边的人也发现，最像你的人既然是我。你从我身上有没有看到自己的影子？

真的太可笑了。

我最不想要的就是跟你一样。所以现在连我自己也开始讨厌我自己。

我没有信心我可以给谁幸福，因为我跟你一样。

2011-03-02T01:33:00.002+08:00

我想是我不够成熟吧。

2011-02-25T20:20:00.000+08:00

Thank you x 1 million times. :)
I work hard and not let you down.

2011-02-22T01:05:00.003+08:00

因为克服了障碍，所以终于可以坦然的面对。

谢谢你不让我逃避，要不然我这个笨蛋会一直傻傻的绕圈圈，走不出迷宫。

:)

2011-02-14T22:07:00.002+08:00

Your heart has turned cold when you stepped into that place called home.

You are the odd one out and you will always be.

Nothing's gonna change that. Nobody will understand you.

Oh right, and everyone blames you for not being perfect. Your imperfection is such a big issue to them that they must comment on it and criticise you every day.

You knew your flaws. You knew you are selfish, your temper is getting worst each day, your faith in certain things have been disappearing, you lost your warmth, you are getting cold with the people around you, you like to do things last minute, you don't spare a thought for people sometimes, you are not smart or quick enough, you don't plan wisely, you always leave things around, you are forgetful and blur, etc. Yes, you knew and you were trying to improve on. It's not like you can change overnight. It's not like there's no improvement. Why do you have to please them all the time? Why is it always you?

Why are you the best candidate for people to crash like you worth nothing? Where is your pride? Don't you think it's time to stand up for yourself? Do you really think that you deserve to be treated like that?

Even the person closest to you don't believe in whatever you do and whatever you can do. She was so certain that you would fail but in the end, you didn't and she said she felt surprised. Wth.

When you used money that is not yours, doesn't mean that you have to live accordingly to what the owner of the cash want you to.

Since they say you care about your feelings too much, you never let them know when you are sad and you cried secretly. They expect you to smile whatever happens and have no complains about how they treated you. Your feelings are non of their concern, they don't care. But if you don't care about their feelings too, you will be in dead shit. They will make noises again. You never like noisy places.

To them your existence is such an eye sore.

Perhaps, you shouldn't have existed at all.

You are a dead person at home. You don't want to speak to anyone again.

***

You just need someone to tell me that he believe in whatever you do and whatever you can do.

And you found this person.

He saved you from giving up on yourself and all the hopes you had. He make you believe in yourself again.

Though you are torn and wounded, but you are not giving up.

2011-02-02T23:16:00.000+08:00

You got to learn how to hide ur feelings well. Lock it away. Pretend that you are ok. Always put on a smile to hide your tears. You don't want people to get affected because of your feelings.

If you ever meet someone who really understand you, you swear that you would cherish such a person.

2011-02-02T00:32:00.000+08:00

Time passes too fast.

2011-02-01T00:35:00.002+08:00

Other than Jay Chou, Kim Hyun Joong and Hyun Bin, I also like him because his songs are really nice. Anthony Neely. =)

2011-01-30T01:16:00.002+08:00

上一秒发生的事，就留在那一秒。不要把它带到这一刻，也不要把它带到未来的下一刻。

2011-01-26T23:31:00.003+08:00

我好像珍惜身边的人。

2011-01-25T14:04:00.003+08:00

I can't remember when was the last time someone patted my shoulder and gave me the encouragement I needed.

Thank you. :)

2011-01-22T16:29:00.002+08:00

Just a couple of months before I really have to let it go..

It sucks.

That's how it feels to give up on something that you really love.

2011-01-10T23:22:00.002+08:00

I thought that I would have more time after internship ended, but I was WRONG!

Sooo many project submissions in just January. Tests are coming along right after that!

Soo many birthday celebrations in January!

I think I am going to be a caveman whenever I can because I kept going out that I found myself being a little home sick. Well, not that I am "homely" person. It is just that I always need some time to be with my family so that I won't feel so guilty and also, to be alone.

There will be more events coming up! =) Way to go~

***

I haven't been feeling so happy for quite sometime. Seems like I am back to normal again~

I am enjoying the peace at home. It feel so serene...

I love it that way..

2011-01-02T23:50:00.002+08:00

You said that I always surprise you with good outcomes that you never thought that could happen to me.

You were surprised because you never believe in me right from the beginning. You never believe in what I could do. You always believe in what I couldn't do.

I'm gonna keep proving you wrong. I shall fill your life with lots of surprises. I will show you what I worth.

I won't give in to you.

I am not going to let you take my life, my dreams and passion away from me.

NOT anymore.

Because I am the one and only author of my life. And not you.

2011-01-01T23:21:00.003+08:00

A new year.

A new start.

Let me erase all the bad thoughts and fill my mind and heart with all the good ones.

I want to look for the old Miaoru.

In the past, she was a better person compare to the person she is now.

2010-12-29T23:51:00.002+08:00

We finally had dinner together.

And I realised how much I miss eating together with my family.

I love them no matter what happens.

=)

2010-12-29T00:53:00.003+08:00

So much like a rose.

Beautiful but dangerous to touch because of the torns.

I knew that very well.

However I ignored my fear, for the very first time.

Because I need to end it and the only way to do so is to overcome the fear of getting hurt.

That day I was hurt by the torns , but not as hurt as before, and I did not bleed for the first time.

I felt relieved.

This nightmare will never haunt me again...

2010-12-28T01:14:00.003+08:00

This year's christmas was great! I participated in play christmas again! Attended a Christmas BBQ at paul's place. It was simple and fun. We had fun.
I love spending christmas with TPCO friends~
=D

***

终于说出口。

轻松多了。

***

Lalalala~~~

2010-12-22T12:53:00.000+08:00

Keep holding on. Don't let yourself down.

2010-12-20T00:27:00.002+08:00

Thank you,
I'm sorry,
Please forgive me and
I love you.

*~*
A happy ending with full of learning issues.

*~*
Mum bought me christmas present! :D

2010-12-13T15:39:00.001+08:00

There are some friends you will never forget..

It's been such a long time since we last talked or met.

But the memories always stay in my heart. Always...

2010-12-12T00:03:00.006+08:00

Christmas is coming and I am looking forward~~

***

Not everything goes smoothly like how you expect it to be.

Not every sound is the melody you want to hear.

Not every word is praise.

Not every moment is happiness.

Not every thing is within your control.

However, you can be the one to change the situation, if you have the determination and the right mind set.

2010-12-07T17:06:00.002+08:00

blogging from my phone again. My laptop keep hanging non stop.

*~*
I can find peace only when the house is empty... But when it is filled with people, it is noisy and disturbing, most importantly, it never felt like a home to me.

I never thought that I would prefer loneliness than disturbing noise.

2010-12-06T16:48:00.003+08:00

Don't expect too much from me, for I won't let you control my life and take my dreams away. I refuse to gIve in.

*~*
Don't say that you know me, because I am not who you think I am.

If I am granted a wish that involves you, I would wish that you could understand me.

2010-12-01T21:31:00.005+08:00

I am blogging using my phone.

*~*
My boss and her secretaries are gonna have lunch with me tomorrow, before I left the firm. So sweet of them.

It was tough at the beginning, because there were many things I do not know how to do and I made a lot of careless mistakes. But things got better eventually. The people are super nice to me. I learnt a lot and enjoyed a lot too. Glad to say that the good times are more than the bad times.

I think I will miss them. They asked me whether I would like to go back to work there after I gratuate. I said I would consider. You know, law is never my cup of tea. Till now I still feel that coming to this course is a wrong choice for me. I regretted not following my heart.

Well, I always learn the hard way, didn't I? Everything happens for a reason. At least I realise that I am better in the business, management and accounting subjects When I study this course.

Ohya, recently I have this crazy idea of being a teacher. I never used to like kids. I thought they are plain irritating. But something changed my point of view. Because I've been teaching kids some stuff, and I enjoyed it. When I saw their improvement, I actually felt genuinely happy. Weird right?

I regretted telling my sec school teacher that, I just want to earn big bucks when I grow up, that's why I didn't appeal to the course I wanted when I was posted to law. What is the point of earning big bucks when you hate what you are doing everyday? I finally understand. I hope I could tell him that if I had the chance to.

This time, I am gonna follow my heart.
This time, I will go as far as my mind lets me.

*~*

It will only appear in my dreams, but not in the reality...

2010-11-28T23:45:00.003+08:00

My conclusion is: Nothing will change that love, no matter how bad things are. Blood still runs thicker than the water.

I may feel irriated now and then, but I get over it very quickly.

2010-11-26T23:39:00.004+08:00

It is a difficult time.

Busy and tired of work. Everyday I go back home, I only have the energy to eat, bath, stare into empty space and sleep. How pathetic.

And then there are MANY other responsibilities.

It seems like these isn't enough to torture me. So here come the biggest pain and problem of ALL : My family.

***

As I grow, my responsibilities increase. I want to treat it as part of my life and not my burden.

As I grow, I keep seeing the ugly sides of human hearts, including mine. Where is the love that I always used to believe in? It keep appearing yet it also keep disappearing.

I am disappointed in myself because I am not strong enough to love those who have hurt me so deeply...

***

咬紧牙关。忍耐。

2010-11-21T23:34:00.002+08:00

The good moments never last.

I don't understand why you have to do things like that and I think I have reached my limits of tolerating these things. I don't know how to go on like this, living with you.

I am trying hard to accept it instead of fighting against it. Maybe it will make me feel less guilty in some way or the other.

Maybe someday I will adapt to it. Some lessons are really hard to learn, especially when you feel that you don't deserve to be treated like that.

***

I do believe that no matter how bad things were, I still feel that I am lucky to have you. At least I have somebody.

I am not disappointed in you. I am disappointed in myself, that I couldn't be more tolerance with you.

2010-11-07T23:49:00.002+08:00

Tired.

You always wanted me to live accordingly to your instructions. Back then, I am to be ok with it because I was young and innocent.

But now I just want to live life my way without you interfering it.

As simple as that.

The more you tried to interfere, the more I rebelled.

I tried to accept it, but I just can't seem to convince myself to give in.

Because giving in means giving up my own space, time and my life.

I am not going to live life your way, I going to live it my way.

***
You know what?

Sometimes I kind of envy my brother.

Because you don't really seem to interfere with his life.

And I just don't understand, why is it me.

WHY?

Because I am the elder sister?

***
Love can be in any form, any way and any in method.

But the way you are loving me is hurting both of us.

This is not working.

In the end, it will spoil it all. All those good memories...may be nothing afterall..

What will happen to this love?

All I know is that this will never be what we want.

***
I never know how to put it across to you because I know I will never win. And I know you will get hurt.

I know I was being too selfish to start with.

I wish one day I will figure things out.

+*mY-StoRy*+

Broken heart

+mY-StoRy+